The master was walking along the street with his friend David when they saw a big dog chasing after a cat. The cat ran into a narrow lane, with the dog behind. Unfortunately, it was a dead-end lane. She could run no further. Desperate, she turned around to face the dog, arched up her back, straightened her tail and gave out a loud cat scream. The dog was shocked with fear. It’s a ferocious tiger! He immediately turned around and ran away. The cat then leisurely strolled out of the lane. Master said: “When one is pushed to the corner without an escape route, the reaction can be perilous and fearless.”
Whatever we do, avoiding getting trapped in a dead-end lane is essential. Not all dogs are afraid of screaming cats. Do not pursue things to the limits without leaving yourself room to exit, to U-turn, to steer clear of risks as and when they come your way. This applies to your actions and your treatment of others as well. Don’t push them into the cul-de-sac. Leave them a way out.
In our daily interaction with family members and friends, we often discuss personal matters such as personal problems, experiences and difficulties. Sometimes, we touch on each other’s shortcomings, habits, behaviour and perceived negative traits. These can be sensitive subjects, and we must be mindful of what can and should not be said. This is to avoid putting others in an embarrassing position. We must give them space to manoeuvre a way out without the loss of face. Do not push them into a dead-end lane. If we persist and insensitively mention more of their dirty linen, they may feel uneasy, annoyed and perhaps offended. It may trigger a strong reaction, forcing them to retaliate with hostility. Therefore, in our dealings with others, we must ponder carefully before deciding what to say and when to stop. Don’t turn the cat into a tiger.
In the Qing Dynasty of 3rd BC, Xiang Yu was a great general of the Western Zhu State. He and Liu Bang mounted attacks to destroy the Qing dynasty. In 207 BC, Xiang Yu and his army crossed the Yellow River to attack the Qing army. After the crossing, he ordered all the ships to be scuttled and sunk and cauldrons and cooking utensils destroyed. His soldiers now had no means to return and cross the river. They had no choice but to fight to the death to survive. They had become the ferocious tigers. With such desperation, they heavily defeated the Qing army. Such is the fierce and fearless reaction when one is cornered. We must also be mindful of this when handling our enemies. With discretion and care, do not drive them into the dead corner. Give them a chance and try to win them, heart and mind. We live, and we let live.
During the Three Kingdoms period of 3rd AD, Zhu Ge Liang led an army to fight the warring tribes in southern China. These tribes had been encroaching frequently into Han territories, robbing and killing the local people. Zhu captured the chief seven times but set him free each time. Zhu knew very well that killing him would intensify the hostility, and his descendants would have no choice but to be forced to retaliate even more aggressively. There would be no solution. After his 7th release, the chief finally surrendered, convinced that peaceful coexistence was the best for all. Zhu, by giving the chief space and time, had converted the tiger into a pussycat.
One day, a student asked Confucius: “What is the most important principle that underpins our moral and ethical excellence?” Confucius replied: “It has to be Loyalty and Forgiveness. Loyalty in oneself and forgiveness to others.” Doing what is suitable for oneself and respecting oneself and others so they trust you is loyalty. To think of others, be considerate, and treat them as you treat yourself is forgiveness.
At the end of China’s Spring/Autumn period, 5th BC, the king of Zhu state was King Zhuang. One evening, he hosted a dinner for all his senior officials. He asked his consort to go round to serve wine. Suddenly, a strong wind blew off all the candlelight, and the hall was in total darkness. The consort was then serving an official when she felt his hand touching hers. She was shocked but managed to pull off the official’s hat. The consort immediately told the king, saying the official was without a hat. Instead, the king told the guests: “We can enjoy better if we are more relaxed. Let’s remove our hats and be more comfortable.” They all did that before the candles were re-lighted. The official thus remained unknown to the king.
A year later, during his war with another state, King Zhuang was trapped, but he was rescued by a brave general who fought furiously to save him. Later, he asked this general why he had risked his life. He asked the king if he remembered the incident at that dinner. He was the one who touched the consort. He was grateful to the king for not exposing and embarrassing him and giving him a way out. This is the reward of forgiveness.
Many people find it difficult to forgive someone who they felt had done them wrong. Some stubbornly refuse to let go of such hatred and bad memory. Unforgiving will imprison you in your past, and you will never let that wound heal. It makes you progressively angrier and more miserable, accumulating bad feelings. You are the one suffering, not the other party, who may not even be aware of your hatred. Forgiveness releases these resentments and moves you forward positively. When you forgive, you forgive yourself, as it sets you free of that baggage of suffering.
The master told David, “Always be tolerant, accommodating, patient, and forgiving with others. Live and let live. And avoid making the cat into a tiger.”
Cheong Quee Wah
Cheong Quee Wah, graduated in engineering and business administration, was in the government service for 24 years, and had held the appointment of permanent secretary in various ministries. He also studied traditional Chinese herbal medicine and is a trained qigong master.
