My wife and I enjoy travelling and visiting places. Strangely, we have never had any inclination to visit Johor Bahru (JB). The city is only a stone’s throw away, but to us, it is far away. The frequent dreadful long queues driving up north (via the Causeway) in my younger days could be why we have avoided going to JB.
We were hesitant when Pondy (my wife’s recently rediscovered long-lost friend since her university days) suggested we go to JB for (shopping and ‘makan’*). We could not stand the idea of long queues at the checkpoints. He, however, assured us that weekday travel (public transport) during the off-peak hours should be hassle-free. It did not take us long to agree to venture north. The primary reason for us was neither shopping nor was it for ‘makan’. It was the opportunity to reconnect with an old friend and his wife for the first time.
We got to JB without any transport or immigration hassles. It was surprisingly smooth. My wife and I did not buy anything in JB. The food, though cheap and good, was not outstanding. Getting to know Pondy and his wife, Ester, was more memorable and enjoyable. It is nice to enjoy good relationships.
In 2016, Dr. Robert Waldinger (Professor of Psychiatry at Harvard Medical School) gave a TED Talk on a 75-year-long study on factors that make people happier and healthier. Subsequently, in 2022, he (together with Marc Schulz) published the main findings in a book entitled “The Good Life.” The authors outlined three aspects: social connections, quality of relationships, and their protective effects on body and brain functions.
The book highlighted the importance of social connections in helping us live longer and healthier. Not only does the number of friends count—it is the quality. Close and supportive relationships are essential for happiness, while loneliness is toxic. A high-conflict marriage is particularly harmful, worse than the consequences of a divorce. Follow-up studies show that lonely people are less happy, have poorer cognitive functions, and have shorter life spans.
I am grateful for my satisfying marital life, friends, and relatively peaceful days in retirement. I enjoy financial independence. It is liberating. To be thankful is to be happy.
In an article posted on this blog site, Abdullah Tarmugi (Previously a Member of Parliament, Cabinet Minister, and Speaker of Parliament) said, “Gratitude is a way for us to appreciate what we have instead of always reaching for something new in the hope that it will make us happier or thinking we cannot be satisfied until our every need is met. In other words, gratitude helps us refocus on the good things we have—and not take them for granted—instead of dwelling on what we lack.”
Yes, we should always focus on what we have and be grateful. Count our blessings, and keep counting. The year-end festive period is an opportune time to reflect on the good things and the good relationships we enjoy with our family and friends. (Don’t take things and people for granted.)
Merry Christmas and a blessed New Year!
* This Malay word means to eat or have a meal.
Vince
Dr Vincent Chong is a retired Professor of Radiology at Yong Loo Lin School of Medicine, National University of Singapore.
