David was a close friend of the Master and a good friend of Tom, with whom he regularly played chess. The problem was that David had a very hot temper and was easily angry, especially when he lost games to Tom. Today, he played badly and lost all three games to Tom. He was furious and accused Tom of cheating. Though he kept scolding and abusing Tom, the latter just closed his eyes and said nothing, which made David even more angry.
He came to see Master and asked how Tom could stay so calm. Master asked: “If you bring a gift to someone, and he refuses to accept, what would you do?” David replied: “I bring it back with me.”
Master explained: “Tom did not react to your accusation and verbal abuses. He refused to accept your gift. It backfired and made you even more angry. You ended up with more suffering and pain. Is it worth to be angry?”
Anger is an immediate emotional reaction when we feel injustice has been done to us. Anything we think has caused us embarrassment, a loss of face, or a challenge to our ego will quickly trigger anger. You were driving merrily one morning, and suddenly, another driver cut into your lane in front of you. You had to jam your brakes and were angry. Furthermore, you carried that anger with you for the rest of the miserable day. Yet you were the one who suffered because that driver might not even be aware you were upset, and neither did he care. Would it not be better to take the incident lightly, let it go, and not allow it to upset your great day ahead?
This young man was sailing happily in his boat when suddenly a smaller boat came by and collided with his ship before drifting away. He was mad and gave chase to catch the small boat. He wanted to vent his anger and ask for an apology. When he reached the boat, he found nobody on it, not even a boatman. With no control, it was floating aimlessly, without purpose or intention.
His anger immediately disappeared, and he felt relieved.
Anger is within you. It only needs an external object to trigger it. But it is in your control whether to release it. Just remind yourself of the empty boat whenever someone or something provokes or irritates your anger. Nobody can bring out your anger if you do not want to.
The ego is a double-edged sword. If it is appropriately managed, it is a motivating force. However, if it becomes inflated and gets out of our control, it can be destructive. It inflated our self-centredness, self-confidence and value. It makes us more sensitive and defensive to criticisms, disrespect and challenges. Our anger is even more easily triggered.
In the race between the tortoise and the hare, the tortoise did not win. The hare lost. The hare was upset because the tortoise had shown him no respect. “How dare a slow trotting creature think he could outrun me?”
He felt insulted that his ego was being challenged. It made him angry, and with his overconfidence, he made mistakes and lost the race. But he lost not to the tortoise but to his ego. Always keep your ego under very tight rein.
Anger is a very unhealthy and damaging emotion. Whenever you get angry, you suffer. Avoid it by being more tolerant, patient, understanding, and accommodating. You will have fewer problems and continue to live in peace and calmness.
The Master reminded David: “See everything that provokes you as an empty boat. You will have happiness.”
Cheong Quee Wah
Cheong Quee Wah, graduated in engineering and business administration, was in the government service for 24 years, and had held the appointment of permanent secretary in various ministries. He also studied traditional Chinese herbal medicine and is a trained qigong master.
