By Ling Sing Lin
Isaac Newton
A writeup in Quora Digest by Stephania Molinari revealed that Isaac Newton had no wife, no girlfriends, and no social life, but he had dozens of enemies. This article mentioned that he had only one friend his entire life, named John Wickins, who he met in college and they became roommates. Wickins tolerated Newton despite his oddities. However, they had a big fallout.
Wikipedia records that Newton had a close friendship with a Swiss mathematician Nicolas Fatio de Dullier, but their relationship came to an abrupt and unexplained end.
In other words, Newton had hardly any friends.
TV sitcom Friends
Most people I believe can recall the popular American sitcom titled Friends, where a group of young men and women share apartments and socialise with each other, with romantic relationships and even one marriage resulting from the friendships.
Old Friends
I was painfully shy when I was young. Despite that, over the years I developed friendships with school classmates, Pre-U/ JC mates, University mates, work colleagues, parents of my children’s friends, church friends, friends of friends, etc. I became more sociable and confident with age, as we generally do. I have lost touch with some old friends because of the busyness of life. In my retirement, I make an effort to keep in touch with more friends. Even if you have lost touch for some time, it is surprising how quickly you warm up when you reconnect, just because you shared some history.
My medical class of 120 pax has met up many times over the past 50 years since graduation. However, I note that it is a core group of 30-40 folks who make the effort to meet up regularly. Because of the class size, and because we were posted to different hospitals and wards in our clinical years, in reality, we only connected regularly with a small section of our classmates during medical school. I dare say I have never spoken to some of the class boys throughout the 5 years. Being painfully shy, I never took the initiative to approach the opposite sex.
I like the approach taken by one classmate who had migrated to Australia, on meeting “strangers” at a class reunion. He carried a class reunion magazine with photos of all classmates. Can you point out which one are you?
Another classmate is calling up classmates in small groups to his house for meals, to reconnect, after missing many previous reunions.
New Friends
Don’t be afraid to make new friends, especially those of a different age group. Because of our different experiences , we are able to help each other, with the older giving advice, or receiving help on digital devices.
Nurture Relationships
It definitely takes effort to nurture meaningful relationships, both rebuilding relationships and cultivating new relationships. Relationships have to be nurtured or they won’t thrive.
Connecting on social media alone in not adequate. We also need face to face meetings, just hanging out and chatting about any and everything. If you have free days or evenings, organise activities and invite your friends.
Serve Others
Those who are able bodied, able to drive, to cook and bake, play musical instruments, do handicraft, etc, can always volunteer their skills. God has given us different skills and abilities, so there are always several skills/talents in a group of people.
Join activities
Take the plunge and join activities that interest you, even those organised by community centers. Bring a friend along so you feel less awkward and lonely. You may make new friends, and even if you don’t, you could have passed a more interesting day rather than just watching Netflix.
Having friends, close friends plus more casual friends, makes life more interesting and enjoyable. You will not suffer loneliness and isolation, which can affect your physical and mental health. And you appreciate your alone time more!
lingsinglin
Dr Ling Sing Lin is a medical doctor by training. She worked in MOH HQ for many years, in policy making and administrative positions, until her retirement.
