By Steven de Souza
Relationships take a lot of effort.
When we are born, we have parents who dote on us. They give us everything we need to grow physically and mentally. They are there for us 24/7. They are by our side when we need emotional support. They are there to share in our magical moments too. Life could not be better.
But childhood morphs rapidly into adulthood, and suddenly we are confronted by a myriad world of expectations. Our parents want us to be better versions of themselves. We though want to ‘belong’ with our friends. We have our own goals and ambitions. Our employers invariably want us to conform to their standards and protocols.
And then, when trying to put our best foot forward, we encounter the ‘love of our life’! And we are swept off on a tangent, trying to ‘fit the bill’! We must rapidly adjust our behaviour to adapt to this roller coaster we call ‘life’. We are virtually chameleons! And we get good at it!
Then the kids come along. And we expect to be the best parents in the world! We dote on the children, we nurture them, we fend for them, and we need to give them the ‘best start in life’ to be competitive and successful. We spare no expense! We need to provide them with more than our parents ever did us! We are in the ‘rinse and repeat’ cycle after all! And we put huge expectations on them, so much so they feel self-conscious, tense and pressured. We are doing this to them!
I’ve since learned, in my latter years, that we have to dial back on expectations. Expectations are ‘judgements’ imposed by convention. We should dial back expectations of ourselves, our family members, peers and family. Emotions are fragile. Relationships are built on ‘how you make a person feel’. Expectations of each other should not come into play.
We have to learn to put our guard down to have genuine, long-lasting relationships. Recalibrate our expectations? Better still, have no expectations at all.
Steve de Souza is known in the Payment Services Industry, having brought a startup MasterCard Franchisee to prominence in the South East Asia Region. Now a Consumer and Civil Rights Advocate, he strives to contribute meaningfully to improving the lot of his community.
