A Medical Student and Mr Lonely

As Editor of this website, I make it a point to reread regularly previously published posts. These essays, like wine, seem to age and mellow and take on added dimensions and deeper meaning. Why so? Heraclitus (born 554 BC) once remarked, “No man ever steps in the same river twice, for it’s not the same river, and he’s not the same man.” Every time I reread, I reread with the eyes of a different man – I have changed, hopefully, a bit more mature and slightly mellower. “Lonely and Unloved” by Dr Grace Chiang is a pertinent example.

The drawing in her article was done by a medical student capturing his clinical posting experience. The picture shows a man looking through a window with his back turned towards us. We cannot see his expression, but the words “The most terrible poverty is loneliness…. and being unloved…” captured the essence of the message. Beautiful and affluent Singapore outside the window didn’t help him. The man in the picture reminds me of “Mr Lonely”.

Verse 2
Letters, never a letter
I get no letters in the mail
I’ve been forgotten, yes, forgotten
Oh, how I wonder, how is it I failed

The song’s second verse summarises the essence of loneliness – an unpleasant state of mind characterised by the inability to find meaning in one’s life and the pain of having no social relations. And so, according to the medical student artist, “loneliness is the most terrible poverty”. We are as rich or poor as the amount of meaningful social connections. Loneliness, unfortunately, is a common human emotion (“silent pandemic”), an affliction that is a complex and unique experience for each individual. There is no common cause, so the prevention and treatment for this damaging state of mind considerably differ.

Bobby Vinton began writing “Mr Lonely” in the late 1950s while serving in the Army. The recording was released during the escalating phase of the Vietnam War. “Mr Lonely”, Vinton’s signature song, soon became popular with servicemen worldwide. The song describes the feelings of a soldier sent abroad without communication with his home. The singer laments the pain of his isolation and wishes for someone to talk with. Loneliness is often described as pain. It is a pain as real as physical injuries (such as broken bones). We perceive the pain of loneliness and broken bones in the same area in the exact location in our brains. Pain alerts us to potential damage. How is loneliness damaging to our health? Social isolation increases our risk of premature death from all causes, a risk that rivals smoking, obesity, and physical inactivity. Furthermore, loneliness increases the risk of dementia by about 50%.

The last line of verse 2, “Mr Lonely”, was “Oh, how I wonder, how is it I failed.” Could this lamentation alert seniors to the dangers of loneliness by failing to recognise the lurking dangers of loneliness?” Miguel de Cervantes said, “Forewarned, forearmed; to be prepared is half the victory.” In other words, those who know something is coming are better prepared to face it than those who do not. The Straits Times (August 27, 2021) featured a report by researchers at the Yong Loo Lin School of Medicine, the National University of Singapore, on the prevalence of senior citizens’ social disconnection. And here is how the report concluded:

“Elderly may feel isolated even while living with kin – study finds over half of the seniors who feel socially disconnected say they have no one to turn to” and “Social disconnection could become a bigger issue in the future, given the ageing population and with more elderly people living alone”.
Straits Times, August 27, 2021

We should prepare for lonelier days ahead.