by Marie Stella P. Cruz
A forty-five year old woman with two teenaged daughters suffered a haemorrhagic stroke that left her densely paralyzed, wheelchair-bound, and dependent, although fortunately her cognition was unaffected. Her husband, a businessman who travels a lot, placed her in the nursing home, despite their having a helper at home; his purported intention was to bring her home after she had “recovered”. Two years later, she is still in the nursing home. Her husband drops by for a quick visit once a month, and she is occasionally visited by her two daughters, who have grown distant from her. Her husband pre-empted her from contacting the family, and indeed from being linked to the world outside her six-bedded dorm, by not providing her with a cellphone.
As her family physician, I optimized her medical care, but I could only empathize with her over her family situation. What I do is to give her some of my time and company so that she can weep occasionally.
Sorrow
The drawing shows a dysfunctional family: the husband abandons his young wife, leaving her to care for her new-born; the woman brings up her daughter who eventually gets married. Their relationship becomes strained and the daughter distances herself from her ageing mother’s care, and may have even placed her in a nursing home. The mother is diagnosed with an advanced cancer and passes away alone.
Scenarios such as these are not uncommon in nursing homes, as depicted in the real-life vignette.
———-Dr Marie Stella P. Cruz
Marie Stella P. Cruz provides care to patients in nursing homes. She is interested in care for the older adult, the institutionalized patient, and the home-bound patient, as well as end-of-life care. She also teaches undergraduate and post-graduates and is involved in assessment.
The commentary and vignette were reproduced with permission from the book “Being Human, Stories from Family Medicine” edited by Cheong Pak Yean and Ong Chooi Peng and published in 2021 by the College of Family Physicians Singapore.
Pictures of illness experiences were drawn by NUS medical students in workshops conducted from 2012-2017 by A/Prof Cheong Pak Yean. Senior family physicians subsequently shared vignettes and commentaries based on the pictures.
