One evening when walking past a senior citizen (seated on a park bench), I heard a familiar oldie from his small ancient-looking radio. It was “All by Myself”. Are you familiar with the song?
“All by Myself” is a song by American singer-songwriter Eric Carmen. The narrative is that when we are young, we have many friends, and we may take them for granted. We can always make new friends along the way. But when we get older, making friends becomes more challenging. As youths, we often go through rebellious phases where we feel we do not need anyone; we can do everything ourselves. After all, we were told to be independent-minded. Carmen found out later that no one answered his telephone calls. He was alone and did not want to be that way any more.
You will notice the song is relatively long – 7:33 minutes of recording. You will also hear an extended instrumental section before the lyrics reappear. The reason is that Eric Carmen based his composition on the second movement (Adagio sostenuto) of Sergei Rachmaninoff’s Piano Concerto No. 2 in C minor, Opus 18. He adapted the melody of the classical composer, which at that time (in the U.S.) was in the public domain. He did not realise that the song’s copyright was still in force outside the U.S. Consequently, he was informed of copyright infringement, and an agreement was reached whereby Rachmaninoff’s estate received 12 per cent of the royalties from “All by Myself”. In 1976, the single sold more than one million copies in the U.S. alone.
“All by Myself” reminds me of the Straits Times (16/5/2023) opinion section article “Old and lonely after a successful career, and even when living with family”. The authors, Ad Maulod and Angelique Chan, researchers at the Centre for Ageing Research & Education, Duke-NUS Medical School, added a subtext “Sometimes, helping seniors find something meaningful to do might make all the difference in the quality of their living.” What could “something meaningful to do” be? Making our lives worth living.
Pursuing a life worth living that will keep us engaged well into old age. Purposeful living should not be a post-retirement aspiration but a conscious goal throughout life. People who make their life worth living for themselves and others, who fill their time with meaningful activities, have little or no room for loneliness. This can be achieved by having a sustainable work-life balance that gives us the time and proper frame of mind to cultivate diverse roles in fostering meaningful familial and social relationships, while investing in developing our interests and personal mastery.
Personal mastery refers to living and working purposefully towards a vision consistent with our values and in a state of constant learning about ourselves and the reality in which we live. Personal mastery and self-leadership are synonymous – they touch on the feeling that we have control and autonomy over our lives – an essential trait in overcoming loneliness.
What was the senior citizen’s state of mind (listening to “All by Myself”) when I walked past him that evening? I hope he feels contented – at peace with himself and the world – after years of fostering meaningful relations with his family and friends.