There was a day at a coffee shop when I was having a very late afternoon tea. There were two elderly men seated about two tables away, talking quite happily. They looked like they were old friends. But suddenly, the voices became louder and louder. Their facial expressions changed. Now it seems no longer a friendly talk but more like an argument. It was more like a quarrel. The two of them parted ways shortly. They were leaving the place instead in an angry mood.
Though I did not know what the whole conversation was about, with the loud voice, it sounded like they were arguing about who was right and who was wrong. Each of them wanted to be right in their own opinion. Neither one of them tried to give way. Well, luckily, they left without any incident. I feared they might break out into a fight, and someone would get hurt.
I reflected on this; I sometimes want to stick to my rights and not give way or compromise. Most of the time, such action had no pleasant ending when we were just as hardheaded. This prompted me to ask, is fighting for being right really that important? Is being right make us any better? Can we be right most of the time while others are wrong most of the time?
Well, as I grow older, I want to mellow and be a more forgiving person. As for me, being right and not having to impose it on others is an excellent way to stay respectful. Respecting the views of others is essential as we want others to respect us as well. It is a two-way street.
I sometimes ask myself, “Why can’t they show respect to me before I show my respect to them?” And now, I have found a way to address this question: Respect is earned and not given. I need to gain or win the respect of others by respecting them first.
Now back to the rights. If the two elderly men at the coffee shop were to get into a fight and the police were to come. They could be arrested and put to jail or face a fine. Their rights immediately become wrong (fighting in public). No matter how right they were in their argument, it is no longer critical. We may be correct, but putting it down somebody’s throat is unnecessary. We can choose to agree to disagree and move on.
We all know the moon is round, but if someone insists it is square, let it be. It is not a matter of life and death. Maybe that’s the way he sees the moon. Life is short, and I learned not to be bothered by too many rights and wrongs. Getting stressed over just wanting the world to know I am correct is not worth it.
Living in harmony and respecting others can make life a lot better.
William Kho
William Kho was a senior management staff member of a water treatment company. He is now fully retired and pursuing a happy and meaningful retirement life.
