‘Listen with the intent to understand, but not the intent to reply.’
Stephen Covey
I Was that Mother Bird
She was an old friend. But inside, she wanted to cry.
“Doctor, I consider you as my sister. I have sacrificed for my children. When I was pregnant, I ate the best foods to give them a good start in life. When they were young, I kept them in good health. I tried my best to provide them with a good education. I became a single mother when my husband passed away ten years ago. Now, all my children are successful, and I am left alone. Perhaps I should not have let them go overseas. Some have partnered with a different culture, and we could not get along. Doctor, why can’t they think? If it was not for us parents, how could they become what they are today?”
I replied that they would appreciate us when they have their own children.
Continued Madam W: “One day, I was in the garden and saw a mother bird with five nestlings. The next day, I got closer to take a photo. But the babies flew away, never to come back. I felt guilty. Was I responsible? The mother bird cried and looked for her babies for a few days.”
Yes, this is the cycle of life. One generation flew away, and one was left behind to pine.
Downsizing
She came to see me for backache. She had spent the past few weeks making cakes and biscuits for Hari Raya (Muslim new year). Making kek lapis (multilayered steam cake) was back-breaking. Now her back felt like a piece of log.
‘How many children do you have?’ I asked.
‘Eleven’
‘Don’t they help you?’
‘No, they are not staying with me. Some are married, and some are studying elsewhere. The only ones left behind are my husband and me.’
‘Wow,’ I shook my head.
Nowadays, no matter how many children you have, you are eventually alone.
She nodded and sighed in resignation.
Silent Tears
Her tall, handsome middle-aged son and his attractive wife brought the old lady in to see me.
‘Can I help you?’ I asked the silent, sad-looking old lady. Instead, the son answered, ‘She has backache and pain all over her body.’
I asked her to lie on the bed to be examined. Surprisingly, she walked well and had no difficulty getting to the examination couch. Then I noticed tears flowing down her cheeks. She was not suffering from physical pain but from emotional pain.
‘We will send her away to be cared for by another son because I cannot care for her. I have to work,’ said her daughter-in-law.
Have you ever felt the pain of being abandoned? Not being wanted when you are no longer of ‘use’?
Loh Yunn Hua
Yunn Hua is still practising in Primary Care and Occupational Health and Safety in Miri, Sarawak, when not travelling. Her interests are exploring, reading, writing, and music. Her favourite quotation is, ‘Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away."
