An Opinion piece by Ling Sing Lin
The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt.
—Bertrand Russell
Self-esteem
This brings us to the topic of self-esteem, which is confidence in one’s own worth or abilities. It is how we value and perceive ourselves, and we may find it difficult to change this view of ourselves.
Self-esteem is influenced by
—self confidence/feeling of security
—feeling of belonging, being part of a group
—feeling of competence
There are 3 basic types of self-esteem:- low self-esteem, healthy self-esteem, and excessive self-esteem.
I will deal with low self-esteem. I am neither a psychiatrist nor a psychologist, so these views expressed are not academic nor professional, but personal.
Low self-esteem
Some people have self doubt and low self confidence. This could be the result of previous situations in their lives that made them lose confidence in themselves. However, others may not recall any such incidents. They were not neglected or abused as children. They may not be stupid, or have faces ”only their mothers can love”. Their low self regard can be a puzzle to themselves.
Low self esteem is not a mental illness. But it can affect one’s life, achievements, choice of marital partner, etc, because you do not think yourself capable of something better. Physical health and appearance can contribute to low self esteem eg having missing/misaligned teeth, obesity, extremely short stature, being physically unattractive compared to siblings and friends, being some examples.
Social Media
Some people compare their own mundane lives with the lives of others as depicted in social media, and they feel inferior. They forget that only highlights are depicted in Facebook, not the boring routines that we all go through. This refers to celebrities as well as ordinary folk. And people post their most attractive photos, which are not taken when they just crawl out of bed in the morning.
Wise Sayings
Why some people appear to have low self-esteem/some sayings which may help to put things in perspective:
—I feel I have nothing interesting to say, so I keep quiet
—others will realise I am only ordinary, so I’d better keep quiet
—we sometimes feel that we are imposters or frauds in our jobs, we are not good enough
—we have the illusion that life should be perfect
—the hardest person to forgive may be yourself
—asking for help needs courage. Daring to show your weakness is a strength
—the best part of beauty is that which no picture can express
—knowledge without wisdom is futile
—tapping into genius comes from mastering the activity you love most
Boosting self-esteem
We discover that apparently self confident people are often no better than us. We too can develop a healthy self esteem by developing competence in some fields, building positive relationships, being more assertive, being kind to yourself, perhaps paying more attention to your grooming, realizing that most people are ordinary and no one’s life is perfect.
lingsinglin
Dr Ling Sing Lin is a medical doctor by training. She worked in MOH HQ for many years, in policy making and administrative positions, until her retirement.
