What is the use of learning and experiences if we autopilot under our inbuilt emotions? Wisdom should help us lead better lives. Mindfulness gives us the space for understanding to influence our lives.
Mindfulness practice helps us control our minds by allowing wisdom to operate by reversing ingrained tendencies or cultivating new ones. This process can be achieved by training ourselves to step back and observe ourselves through awareness of our feelings, behaviours, and interactions with others. By doing so, we can notice our primitive emotions and automatic patterns of response. We will also realise emotions exist only within us (and are not external independent realities). These insights help moderate or change our reactions when they do not foster our well-being.
Regrets, or living in the past, can ruin our lives. Anxiety and worry are features of living in the future. Humans are the only species that spend a lot of time ruminating about the past, speculating about what might happen in the future, or thinking about what we should do to be happier. We spend comparatively little time living and enjoying the present moment. Mindfulness helps draw our attention to the present moment and enables us to enjoy what we have. The past is gone, and the future is but a dream; the only present moment is real.
We might also notice much of our suffering is rooted in anger, resentment, or envy. These negative emotions are generated within us and by us (rather than by others.) Anger often begins with an interpretation of the situation rather than itself. For instance, if a colleague comes into work regularly late, we may feel upset. We assume that she is irresponsible. Our opinion would be different if we knew she is a single mother who needs to send her disabled child to a particular school in the morning. The situation is the same but interpretation – our colleague comes late to work – but understanding makes all the difference in judging a person – and how we feel (angry or sympathetic).
Mindfulness, like other skills, does not just happen. We need training, but mindfulness training is not about self-improvement. It is a process that trains our brains to be more aware and attentive; to be more reflective; more open (and warmer). It is about discovering ourselves as witnesses of all our experiences – we observe ourselves. It is about being less disturbed by ups and downs in life; and that life is a journey, an adventure, and not a series of endless struggles. A helpful way of looking at mindfulness is picturing it as a tool. Just as we have a hammer in a physical toolbox; or SWOT (Strength, Weakness, Opportunity, and Threat) analysis in a cognitive toolbox, we can have mindfulness as a means of reflection in our emotional toolbox.
Our emotions can be generated by what happens in or outside us. When confronted, for instance, by others’ seemingly inconsiderate behaviour of others, we can remind ourselves to respond to our own emotions (rather than automatically reacting with anger). This can be achieved through the suspension of making a judgment based on previous conditioning. Be curious, ask ourselves why we feel the way we feel, or have we misinterpreted the behaviours or intentions of others? By doing so, we are training ourselves to be more aware of and more attentive to our own emotions. We would then be more conscious of our tendencies to react mindlessly. By focusing on our feelings, we can work on managing them.
Accepting our past is the first step to healing. Acceptance does not mean resignation or giving up. It means letting go of the past and focusing on living in the present. We often suffer from internally generated emotions such as rumination on old injuries, felt injustices, guilt, or regrets. We have no control over the pain inflicted on us, but we control how we respond. Pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional. Suffering comes from our inability to accept the situation and resist keeping the pain and anger alive. The more we resist, the more we suffer. Pain begins fading as acceptance increases and resistance falls.
As numerous researches show, mindfulness training effectively reduces stress and the suffering generated by negative feelings and thoughts.
To be continued: Emotions and Mindful Walking III
Vince
Dr Vincent Chong is a retired Professor of Radiology at Yong Loo Lin School of Medicine, National University of Singapore.
