Dr Thazin Han
In my youth, I often wondered what it would be like when I reached the supposed retirement age. I grew up in a conservative culture whereby ladies should be modest, keep their hair long, and wear their hair up in a chignon or wrapped around a comb, wear long-sleeved traditional Burmese jackets with an ankle covering sarong. Short hair or Bob hairdos and sleeveless-ness were frowned upon. Even today, there are still some conservatives who adhere to this culture. However, this didn’t deter the more modern and adventurous ladies from defying tradition. Once ladies reach middle age or retirement age, they are to practice dhamma and perform good deeds mainly by paying respects to distinguished monks, monasteries, and pagodas to gain merit to attain nirvana. These ladies were not expected to wear western make up and are to be dressed even more modestly or rather behave and act their ‘age’; hence most ladies in their middle age ended up looking much older than their years. Of course, nowadays, there is less of this culture.
Elenore Roosevelt’s aging quote states, “Beautiful young people are accidents of nature, but beautiful old people are works of art.”
I wondered what she meant by works of art. Did she mean being comfortable with aging but at the same time preserving oneself? I like to think so.
Here’s another quote from famous Hollywood actress Andy MacDowell:
“I think, as a woman, in your thirties, it’s the best time. Women in their thirties are really beautiful. They are. I believe that it’s hard for people to love women when they get older. But it’s easy for them to love men. Men have always been able to age and be perceived as more handsome. But really, we’re no different; we age exactly the same.”
Andy MacDowell has no issues going grey; she still looks stunning at 63 years.
My all-time favourite Hollywood actress would be 84-year-old Jane Fonda, who never ceases to inspire me by being graceful, elegant, youthful, and vivacious.
“We need to revise how we think of aging. The old paradigm was: You’re born, you peak midlife, and then you decline into decrepitude. Looking at aging as an ascending staircase you gain well-being, spirit, soul, wisdom, the ability to be truly intimate and a life with intention” Jane Fonda. https://longevitylive.com/anti-aging/quote-of-the-week-aging-well-jane-fonda
However, not all of us are Hollywood actresses who can afford plastic surgery. Aging gracefully means not letting yourself go as you age but maintaining a certain level of agelessness. I do not mean that one is supposed to go for botox regularly, laser rejuvenation, and such like treatments (though it does help & boost morale!)
I believe to age gracefully is also entirely up to the individual and their perceptions of aging. I’ve encountered ladies who go overboard with heavy makeup or plastic surgery so they are unrecognizable, which is quite extreme, and those who attain just the right level.
What does it mean to be a gracious woman?
A gracious woman, as defined by Webster’s Dictionary is kind, courteous, pleasant, polite, civil, well-mannered, tactful, benevolent, diplomatic, considerate, thoughtful, and friendly.
However, some might say that a gracious lady is a weak lady because culture often defines personal strength as having an edge. I certainly do not believe that being gracious represents a weakness. It’s the opposite, for possessing and attaining all these qualities is not easy.
“Personal strength lies in being able to rise above the rubble, not in being able to tear something down to create it.”
Maralee McKee. The Etiquette SchoolThis article is targeted at the ladies but is not meant to exclude gentlemen, and I wonder what a gentleman’s perspective would be.
Anyway, to all the ladies out there, I wish you the best in attaining graceful and gracious aging.
Dr. Thazin Han is a retired radiologist with a strong interest in medical education. She worked as an education officer at the Dept of Diagnostic Radiology, Yong Loo Lin School of Medicine, the National University of Singapore, from 2007 to 2019. She is retired but still practices radiology part-time and is a resource person and committee member of the Department of Medical Education, Defence Services Medical Academy.
