This piece is about my eldest brother Ho Kah Yen. He is in his 80th year. His story and its aftermath are a rollercoaster ride, from darkness to light, hopelessness to hope, and adversity to recovery.
Kah Yen was a student at Victoria Institution (VI) in Kuala Lumpur and later at university in Christchurch, New Zealand. Bright, charismatic, handsome, and seriously good at badminton. He enjoyed his time in NZ and considered staying on. But in 1967, he returned to our family home in Petaling Jaya, probably because he felt he should. A good job followed, and he made new friends. At 26 years old, the world was his oyster. His future looked positively rosy.
The only certainty in life, though, is its uncertainty. One day we can feel great, even euphoric and the next day broken. And so it proved to be. On that infamous date, 13th May 1969, racial riots engulfed KL. In his prime, with everything to live for, my dear brother Kah Yen was suddenly taken away from us by an act of senseless barbarism carried out by perpetrators of hate. He was simply in the wrong area at the wrong time.
To say the world fell apart for the family would be an understatement. Grief-stricken, feeling helpless, heartbroken, unaccepting, and peppered by not a little anger and numbness added to the muddy quagmire of our emotions. Beside ourselves in sorrow, we sought solace from within and without. The German philosopher Frederich Nietzsche once wrote, “He who has a Why to live can bear any How.” Over time, as the family gradually clawed ourselves out of what seemed like a never-ending tunnel, we found the “Why” that Nietzsche alluded to.
Fifty-two years on, do I hate? No, but I hate the loss of my brother. Bitter? No. Vengeful? No. Forget? Never. Forgive? Not an easy one to answer. Suffice to say, I am sufficiently comforted in my belief that Kah Yen’s assailants will one day, if not already, be called upon by the Almighty to answer for their actions. Cathartic? Yes, it helped then, and it helps now as I write. However, the trauma has affected our behaviour, an example being excessively careful at times.
As we journey through life, everyone bears the scars of adversity, they may be mental or physical or both. We can’t always choose the music life plays for us, but we can choose how we dance to it. As the years roll by, we learn to let go of what we can’t change. There is nothing that can trouble us more than our own thoughts. Try to accept what is, let go of what was and have faith in what will be, warts and all. It really helped my family and I on our long road to recovery.
Remaining drowned in grief is like sitting on a rocking chair. It gives us something to do, but it does not get us anywhere. As we waltz through the autumn of our experiences on this wonderful planet, we realise the best things in life are the people we love, places we have been, and memories we have made. Cherish them with relish and like there is no tomorrow as we know not what tomorrow may bring.
Kah Yen had everything going for him. Sadly life dealt him a cruel blow. We think of him and speak to him often with unwaning heartfelt fondness. Watching from above and knowing the person he is, he will be pleased that the family has pulled through and that Malaysia had moved on since those dark days in May 1969.
Kenneth Ho
Now retired, Kenneth had a long career at British Airways HQ in London, UK. He worked in several roles, including managing the airline’s e-commerce development. His hobbies include walking, badminton and cooking, especially food from childhood days in Malaysia! He is married and has two grown-up daughters.
