She Never Saw Her Little Brother Again

by Lim Soo Ping

Contents

Benjamin Zander – Maestro and Sage A Sister’s Words To Her Little Brother Reflection

Benjamin Zander – Maestro and Sage

Benjamin Zander is the conductor and music director of the Boston Philharmonic Orchestra. About 25 years ago, he was in Singapore to conduct the Singapore Youth Orchestra in a performance for the Singapore Learning Festival. I was at the performance.

In between the symphony pieces, Zander talked about music appreciation. He also shared pointers on leadership. His poignant message was that you can lead from where you are; in an orchestra, every musician is a leader in some ways.

Recently, I saw Benjamin Zander again, this time in a Ted Talk video. He was speaking on the transformative power of classical music. He also spoke about the importance of being able to inspire others, including our own children. He ended the talk with a most poignant story.

A Sister’s Words To Her Little Brother

The story in Zander’s words:

It really makes a difference what we say, the words that come out of the mouth. I learned this from a woman who survived Auschwitz, one of the rare survivors. She went to Auschwitz when she was 15 years old. Her brother was 8. Their parents were lost.

She told me this, she said: “We were on the train going to Auschwitz. And I looked down and saw my brother’s shoes were missing. And I said. “Why are you so stupid! Can’t you keep your things together, for goodness sake?”, the way a sister might speak to a younger brother.

Unfortunately, it was the last thing she ever said to him. She never saw him again; he did not survive.

When she came out of Auschwitz, she made a vow. She told me this: “I walked out of Auschwitz into life. And I made a vow that I will never say anything that couldn’t stand as the last thing I ever say.”

Zander continued: “Now, can we do that (make a similar vow)? No? But it is a possibility to live into.”

Reflection

How often in our own lives do we speak to someone in anger or in a hurtful tone? How often do we sometimes hit out at others without regard for their feelings?

It would be good if we later become self-aware, and try to make amends. But life might not give us that chance. The other person might be suddenly gone.

I am saddened when I read the news about a businessman and a budding lawyer who died in their sleep, the two siblings (one was fetching the other back from school on a bicycle) who were both killed at a road crossing, the young mother who was run down by a bus when she was out buying grocery in the neighbourhood, the teenagers and adolescents who killed themselves, and older persons who fell and died. We cannot take life for granted.

In the late 1960s, one of my secondary school teachers observed resentment that some pupils had towards their parents. He gave this wake-up call to the class: “Don’t resent your parents. Control your anger. One day, when you are back home from school, you might see only an empty chair where your father or mother usually sits.”

Before we deliver harsh or strong words to someone, we should consider the hurt that the words might bring. Be slow to show anger. Make your words worthy of being the last thing that you say to that person, especially a loved one.