By Abdullah Tarmugi
In Part 1 of his story “Living in Gratitude”, Abdullah Tarmugi’ talks about how he came to explore the concept of gratitude in its deeper form, and his conclusion that gratitude is not just a feeling, but also an emotion and a practice.
In this concluding part, Abdullah talks about his gratitude journey and what his mother taught him.
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Since that fateful day more than two decades ago in the ICU of the Singapore General Hospital, I resolved to be an even more grateful person than I was before my surgery. I try to see all of life as a gift; not only the beautiful and happy occasions. This is close to the concept of syukur, an Arabic word which means gratitude. But more than that, it means being grateful and accepting of whatever our Creator decides for us in our lives – be it good or otherwise!
It wasn’t easy at first. To adopt an equanimous approach to the often ugly and challenging realities that fill our daily lives took considerable effort. It’s undoubtedly easier to exercise gratitude when everything is going well in our lives. But when faced with sadness, grief, or even tragedy, how does one remain grateful and composed – and happy? But, studies and research carried out by psychologists reveal that it is when times are challenging or when we encounter adversity that we need to exercise gratitude, even more, to face up to them, to keep us grounded, and to be able to cope better!
There are lessons to be learned when things happen not to our liking. When I retired, there were people whom I knew – some of them were friends – suddenly starting to ignore me. Many who had lined up to eagerly press their name/business cards into my hands, suddenly started avoiding me. I thought there was something wrong with or about me that made them stay away. I was upset. Only when I reflected on these instances further did I realise how fortunate I was! Those who ‘’abandoned’’ me were fair-weather friends and acquaintances who were merely attracted by my status and position. This fortuitous attrition in my social circle left me with only true friends and others who take me for what I am and not because of what they could profit from being associated with me. It was an unexpected but happy revelation, and I felt truly grateful.
Many things to be grateful for
There are so many things in life that we can be grateful for. We don’t appreciate or even see them because we take them for granted most of the time. Or until we lose them. The very air we breathe, the sights we see, the sounds we hear, good friends who give our life joy and purpose, the cool breeze that refreshes us after a tiring run, the sound of birds singing their morning songs, waking up to a new day, and many more, our life’s gifts to us. The list is endless. When we perceive our reality gratefully, we perceive more positives than negatives in life. I savour every moment that gives me peace, joy, and purpose. I prefer to surround myself with people who give me joy and show goodness, with an environment that heals and refreshes and with situations that provide growth and useful knowledge – each one a blessing, and most times unearned.
Gratitude in retirement
It’s been a decade since I retired from employment. I learnt about being grateful from my mother, since childhood. I delved deeper into this complex phenomenon in my adult years and practised it as much as I can in my daily life. Undoubtedly, I’ve become more grateful since I retired. I’m happier now, as I passed my three-quarters of a century of life on this earth. As an employee, I had to carry out my employer’s bidding, whether I like it or not. But as a retiree I have the freedom to decide what I want to do with my time. This, in itself, is something to be grateful for.
Family and friends who know me enough, declare that I’ve become calmer and less “serious” (whatever the term means!) since my retirement. I have developed a more sanguine disposition. Perhaps the reduction of the stress level in my life contributes to this happy state too. I’m grateful with what I already have and own – a central tenet in gratitude practice. I free myself from hankering (or, worse, envying) for fame, recognition or more material wealth. But the most obvious change I see in myself is my heightened aversion for toxic or negative situations, environment and, especially, people. I simply avoid and stay away from them when I can; or confront them if I have to, without upsetting my gratitude-acquired equilibrium.
Be grateful, be humble, and be happy
Study after study shows that envy, materialism, arrogance and pride are traits that prevent – or at least make it difficult – the acquisition of a grateful mindset. Conversely, studies also show that grateful people are more likely to develop prosocial traits like empathy, compassion and humility, among other virtues. I count my blessings each day and thank Him for the little mercies thrown in my way. I’m deeply grateful to be where I am now, considering whence I came from. No doubt, it’s still work in progress for me, but I am determined to live the rest of my life with gratitude and positivity. My mother is right : Be grateful, be humble … and be happy.
(Featured image by Kiy Turk on Unsplash)
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Published by Abdullah Tarmugi
Abdullah Tarmugi began his working life as a Civil Servant, before becoming a journalist in The Straits Times. He was a Member of Parliament for 27 years. After that, he served as a Cabinet Minister for 9 years along the way, and ended his political career as Speaker of Parliament from 2002. He retired in 2011.
