My father died at the age of 96 years. I had retired some 10 years before my father’s death. In retrospect, I am so glad I had 10 years to spend with my father, listening to him, ministering to him when he grew weaker.
Traditional father
My father had worked hard all his life to provide for the family. He did not spend much time with us when we were growing up—— that role was undertaken by my mother and maternal grandmother.
Holidays and visits
But he did take us to visit friends after dinner, just popping up at relatives’ and friends’ homes without notice, and to Katong Park, MacRitchie reservoir, etc. There were also road trips to Malaysia and a few visits by air or sea to Sarawak, to celebrate the birthdays of our paternal grandfather and great grandmother. I recall a trip to Hong Kong with a group from the Chinese Chamber of Commerce. We were thrilled to watch filming in the film studios and taking photos with the film stars of that time, such as Peter Chen Ho and Ivy Ling Po.
My turn to look after father
But what was more precious to me was the time I spent with papa the last 10 years of his life. I drove him to his medical appointments, brought him to his favorite restaurants, brought him to visit relatives and friends, and accompanied him to dinners and funeral wakes. My mother had died many years before. Papa had never remarried, so my siblings and I considered it a privilege to look after papa in his later years.
My father was easy to love, so it was no hardship. He was always considerate of our needs, and generous with family and friends.
Stories my father told me
He told me many stories about his childhood:
-how his grandma threw him down the well when she quarreled with his mother. He still had a small depression on his skull to show for it
-how his father didn’t even share a drink from a hawker stall with him, because my grandpa was too young to be a father, having married at 17 years old, and my father was his firstborn.
-how, since the age of 8 years old, my father had to tap rubber from 5am in the morning before he went to school. He remembered the time he had to run away in a zig zag pattern on encountering a snake in the rubber plantation.
-how, on the way home from school, he stripped naked to play football with his friends, as they all only had 1 set of school uniform.
-how, at the age of 12 years, he rowed a sampan single handedly across the Rajang River in Sarawak, to bring a squawking live chicken as a gift to his aunt. His sampan was closely followed by crocodiles. Just one flick of the croc’s tail would have meant the end of my father, and I wouldn’t be here to write this story.
Record of father’s stories
I recorded my father’s stories for my children and grandchildren. I believe this link with our past helps us to better appreciate our lives today, and to recognize how resilient our forbears were.
lingsinglin
Dr Ling Sing Lin is a medical doctor by training. She worked in MOH HQ for many years, in policy making and administrative positions, until her retirement.
