I enjoyed my schoolboy days. Most, if not all, of us, do.
For many years, on the second day of Chinese New Year, my father’s friends would drop by for a visit. They were fascinating to me (then as a schoolboy.) I would, from time to time, sit in and listen to their conversations. On one such occasion, Mr. Krishnan said that the best problems (if we got to have them)were those that money could solve. The worst were those of broken relationships. And they all drank a round of Guinness stout to celebrate their friendship.
Sometime during that year, while reading in the school library, I came across Carl Sandburg’s poem “Happiness.” I liked the poem because it reminded me of Mr. Krishnan’s comment. I copied the poem and added it to my collection. I have read and reread them over the years, and they became more and more meaningful as the years went by.
The question that Carl Sandburg asked in his poem “Happiness” was the meaning of life. He asked his professors and famous executives but received no convincing answers. The poet finally discovered happiness when he “saw a crowd of Hungarians under the trees with their women and children and a keg of beer and an accordion.” He saw the joy when families and friends are together.
Sociologists tell us that there are two types of cultures: the doing versus the being cultures.
The doing culture is about busying ourselves to achieve some targets we set for ourselves. It is task and achievement-oriented (often competitive). When we attain these targets, we are rewarded with money (and more money), what money can buy, status or recognition.
The being culture, on the other hand, is people-oriented. We feel satisfaction by performing the roles in human relationships (family, friends, and others, including strangers). Happiness is the fulfillment of playing those roles.
We all remember our school days. Those were happy days playing the roles of daughter, son, relatives, and friends. And yes, during Chinese New Year, we would visit friends and relatives one after another. I believe this is one of the main reasons they are so memorable. Although we needed to achieve good grades, the dominant way was in the being mode.
Adult working life switches to the doing culture. We have little time left over from work for our friends. We are too busy with our families (if we are married). Even our parents don’t get our time and attention they deserve. The people we come most into contact with are our colleagues, associates, or partners. Our job is to get things done. We make far fewer friends in this phase of our lives.
Now that my working days are over, I return to school-like days. I have rediscovered the being culture. There is now more time for my family, friends, and me. And I feel happy.
Vince
Dr Vincent Chong is a retired Professor of Radiology at Yong Loo Lin School of Medicine, National University of Singapore.
