Don’t say things in anger! It’s not good for relationships; not good for our emotional health! The anger could be misplaced. When angry, count to 10!
Once upon a time, Prince Llywelyn went hunting, leaving Gelert, his dog, to guard his baby son. Upon his return, he was greeted by Gelert with blood dripping from his jaws. The cradle was upturned, and his son was missing. He immediately concluded Gelert must have killed his son. In a fit of anger, he plunged his sword into Gelert’s heart. As the dog howled, he heard his son cry, and beside him, a dead wolf. A tragic mistake. We are dealing here with emotions, anger.
The nature and role of emotions has been debated since ancient times. Charles Darwin was the first person to study emotions scientifically. He reported that the central role of emotions was to focus our attention on important matters for our survival and wellbeing.
The seat of emotions in the brain is the limbic system. It is here that fear and anger are triggered as survival responses. Fear, for example, alerts us to danger, setting off a chain of events preparing the body for threats. Simultaneously, memories are retrieved to give meaning to the perceived threat.
If the threat is deemed a false alarm, no action will be taken; if real, we decide either to flee or to fight. However, an emotional response like a weapon may misfire – we need a safety lock. The safety lock is to count to 10 – don’t act immediately.
How we respond emotionally is determined by our experience, upbringing, training, culture, beliefs, and values. This is done instantaneously and is normal. We have evolved in this fashion for survival and efficient day-to-day living. Most of the time, this autopilot mode serves us well. However, we may need to override this auto mode and to further verify.
Anger is triggered by an interpretation of a situation rather than the reality of the situation itself. If, for instance, a new colleague comes into work late, we may feel upset or even angry. Our emotional response will be different if we realise she is a single mother who needs to send her handicapped child to a special school in the morning. The situation is the same, but interpretation makes all the difference in the way we judge a person.
Step back, when you feel an emotional upsurge! Be aware of your feelings! (This is often called emotional intelligence.) If only Llywelyn recognised his emotional surge…
When angry, count to 10; when very angry count to 100. It is good for our emotional health and relationships.
Vince
Dr Vincent Chong is a retired Professor of Radiology at Yong Loo Lin School of Medicine, National University of Singapore.
