By Eileen Bygrave
Forty-six years of a happy marriage. Then there were signs that my husband was unwell.
As he pulled himself up from the edge of the pool, I noticed that he had to yank his trunks up.
Warning bells should have sounded.
Day one
It was our wedding anniversary, but we had to go to HSBC to organise our joint account. Afterwards we would go upstairs at Shaw House to see a doctor. Shock. After a PET scan we began roller coaster visits to a medical centre, a hospital stay, phone calls…. Someone predicted he had 6 months to live. Or 3 months. No, 3 weeks the oncologist said. Send for the family. In the end, he did not have even 3 days!
Palliative care
The palliative care doctor said I should engage a night-nurse. I had been sleeping with my husband through all these years; so I agreed to a day-nurse. I asked if my husband could sign the bank document to effect our joint account. The doctor assured me I had plenty of time. It was Friday.
Saturday night
My husband died in my arms, on our bed. There will be time for tears, but right then I called my brother for help.
Remember Day One? That was Day Seventeen!
Sunday
The Straits Times obituary office was closed. I needed a picture of my husband. At last I found a shot I had taken. He was sitting at a kopi-tiam table, ready to drink his KopiSiSiewTai.
Funeral direction
My requests restricted me to a small narrow room, euphemistically called The Silver Sanctuary. Small was fine, as I did not expect many to attend.
When I inspected the room, I was horrified. “Silver” described the tin tables! Kind friends later helped me to buy white table cloths to cover them.
Three very modest wooden coffins were at a low level. I asked if I could have one of those. No, they are reserved for “paupers.” I selected another one and asked for the pillow to be changed from the pink-satin lace-netting to plain white cotton. No amendments allowed. I chose another.
I was told that all the flowers and wreaths were to be confined to the room. But there were so many bouquets that they HAD to spill out to the walkways. How was I to know that from New York, Florence, Hong Kong, Tokyo, London and Seoul, would arrive those magnificent displays!
The wake
Number 1 son arrived from LA. Number 2 came, in time, but delayed by a thoughtless Oz airline strike.
Daughter went to the airport to collect Honorary No 1 arriving from the UK. He was my husband’s son from a previous marriage. When he walked into the roomful of people, everyone stared. It was as if my husband had risen to attend his own wake!
The ashes
They were unceremoniously handed to me in a plastic zip-lock bag. I carefully placed the ashes in a Malacca-woven sewing basket. I had to take the ashes with me on a plane to have them scattered at sea in England.
October
Our anniversary and his death are only 18 days apart in October. 2021 marks 10 years since Jack left. There were still no tears.
Published by Eileen Bygrave
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Eileen Bygrave nee Keng Siok Hian was an SCGS girl. She worked mainly abroad, in various aspects of the fashion industry. For 26 years she worked from HK, opening the China market for Italian fashion. Then she worked from Florence as a global marketing and communication director for Salvatore Ferragamo.
