By Lim Soo Ping
When we talk to a stranger, we generally adopt a language style that reflects respect and civility. We use what is commonly known as positive language. In a business or management setting, we are also encouraged to use positive language.
Positive language is the use of words and phrases to communicate a positive or supportive tone when talking to a person who could be an employee, customer or anyone one meets.
We should use positive language even in trying circumstances if we do not want our relationship with the other party to turn sour.
The benefits of positive language are two-fold. Firstly, it avoids creating negativity or ill feeling in the other person. Secondly, it reflects you as an amiable and respectable person.
A negative tone can creep into our communication if we are overly dominant or when we take the other party for granted in a relationship.
Research studies have shown that, within a family, positive communication is at the heart of interpersonal relationships. Researchers Ritchie and Fitzpatrick (1990) argue that long term harmony in family life is associated with positive communication. It has also been found from research that negative communication is strongly associated with poor couple relationship (Arcury, 2013) and that most family conflicts are deeply rooted in communication difficulties among family members (Neagoe, 2007 and Runcan, 2013).
How does one speak using positive language? Here are some tips:
1. Avoid using statements that “rub it in”. (E.g. “You are always like that.”)
2. Avoid adopting a moralistic tone. (E.g. “You should not have done that.”)
3. Avoid using words such as “wrong”, “disagree”, “mistake”, “fail” and “waste (of time)”. Such words tend to have a negative tone. Don’t say: “You are doing it the wrong way.” Instead say: “You need a better way to do it.”
“Don’t waste time! We need to go now.” We often hear this being told to a child. This is negative language. It is inappropriate and hurtful. Nobody sets out to waste time, not even a child. There is a natural reason for whatever the child was doing, even day-dreaming. Say it using positive language: “Whatever you are doing, do it later. We need to go now.”
We should be conscious of how our words might sound to the other person in a relationship. Make positive language your everyday language.
Lim Soo Ping
